Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
