I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
