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I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
