Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
