Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
