I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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