morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
