Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
