Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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