You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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