I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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