chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
