I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
