you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
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We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
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I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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