Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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