Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
