just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
