life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
