Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
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Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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