I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
