I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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