"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
