my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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