Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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