im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
