i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
