i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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