she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
