I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
