I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
