The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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