I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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