so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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