i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
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idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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