Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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