took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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