i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
