I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
