He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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