Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
