Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
