omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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