bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The adults are the big ones right?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
