I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
