I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
