Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize