So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We left the knife in your bed.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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