one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
