Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
