the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
