You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
