Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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