I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
