I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
