So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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