my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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