So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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