I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
