I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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