If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
