i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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