Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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