i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
40s are totally the cure
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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