I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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