I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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