Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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