you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
