I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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