I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
