Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
