Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
