remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
