i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
