I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
