i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
