I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
