dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
